Hail and well met stranger! Can I please have the chocobros playing D&D? Thanks, love ya! ❤

thechocoboos:

I did it. It’s a shitpost, but it’s done. I don’t know too much about DnD so forgive me, cruel world.

Headcanons: The Bros, Cor, Luna, and Ravus Playing D&D

• Listen
• It was Prompto’s idea. The whole damn thing.
• “Hey guys, omg, i have the best idea…”
• Noctis agreed. So therefore they had to do it, of course
• Let’s get some shit laid down:
• Ignis is the DM. He doesn’t want to do it, but Noctis makes him ‘cause no one else can fucking do it
• Cor is invited (he comes ‘cause he thinks it’s a legitimate meeting), Ravus is invited (he, too, thinks it’s a legitimate meeting and so he does not come because fuck Noctis), Luna’s invited and comes (much to Noctis’ excitement), and Iris wants to come but Gladio doesn’t let her
• Gladio doesn’t take any of it seriously at all, he just fuckin dicks around the whole time as a fucking female dwarven bard named Ignia (named after Ignis, “Out of respect”, he claims)
• Prompto gets really fuckin into it, my god, he even starts to change his dialect and voice
• Oh he plays as a wise cleric btw, wants to be as helpful to the party as possible
• Noct? He plays as a super cool elven rogue and constantly goes back and forth between trying to impress Luna and trying to fuck up Ignis’ campaign (which is near impossible btw, cause he has a 127 paged plan with mini plans for when they do fuck up the plot)
• Gladio and Noct team up to dick around half the time, but Prompto whines at them to “play it right” and Luna always backs him up cause she actually wants to play, much to everyone’s surprise
• She’s an Elven Paladin btw, and gets very, very into character
• If any of the bros so much as do a single bad thing she gets P I S S E D
• Now… Cor
• He doesn’t know what’s going on. He doesn’t know why he’s there. He wants to go home; it’s his first non-overtime evening in months and now he’s stuck in Prompto’s apartment eating cheeto puffs and being a nerd. Any lesser man would have cried, but Cor’s face is hard and devoid of any emotion. He keeps saying, “I’ve only got a few more minutes.” but it’s been three hours and he does like those cheeto puffs…
• When he’s asked to make his character, he makes the most basic human warrior in the world
• “Great, Mr. Immortal sir! What’s his name???” Prompto still remains excited
• “… Cor.”
• The whole room is silent and Prom wishes he could be disappointed but tbh, no one expected anything different from Cor
• Ignis does his best to keep them all on track, but after four hours and 27 mixed drinks later, he just fucking goes with their dumbass ideas
• Gladio drinks so much beer that he gets drunk off his ASS
• Noctis would be drunk off his ass, but Cor doesn’t let him have any more than three beers
• Prompto is drunk off his ass and Cor is forced to limit his drinking after one shot of vodka and the last sip of Gladio’s beer (Prom’s kind of a lightweight)
• Cor would also be drunk off his ass, but he’s scared of what would happen should he give in to alcohol due to his regret (of being there that night)
• The room is full of bowls of chips and candy and there are more litres of soda than anyone can count
• Gladio also has the great idea of dragging the sofa over to the dining table so they can“play in maximum comfort”
• Gladio also sheds his shirt so he can “play in maximum comfort” (that’s his excuse for everything)
• Luna almost leaves after an hour because Ravus shows up saying she shouldn’t be around such drunk filth alone, only to be thrust into the campaign with the rest of them
• Within the hour, Ravus is drunk off his ass alongside them and plays as a halfling sorcerer named Samwise who likes to cook potatoes
• So at this point we have: Ignis (who is starting to drink vodka from a bottle), Gladio (who’s shitfaced and doing everything in his power to fuck up the game), Noctis (who’s half asleep and also trying to fuck up the game), Luna (who’s doing her best to save the game and have fun), Prompto (who regrets suggesting the game and offering his place to play it), Ravus (who originally didn’t want to be there and is shitfaced), and Cor (who also doesn’t want to be there but could not get shitfaced)
• Eventually, Cor lets Noctis and Prompto drink again while he starts taking shots
• In another hour, everyone but Luna is a bit more than tipsy
• By this point, Ignis is drunkenly and emotionally winging the campaign (his 127 pages are no use at this point)
• Cor is smiling and laughing
• Gladio is actually trying to play the game seriously, even tho he’s drunk and is struggling to process everything that happens in the plot
• Ravus drunkenly makes out with Ignis, and Ignis, also drunk af, merely adjusts his glasses and tells Ravus to buy him dinner first (Ravus then orders pizza, pays for it, and wins over Ignis’ heart like in Harvest Moon and Stardew Valley)
• The campaign is absolute trash at that point
• The only distinguishable thing is a pissy ogre that rides a dragon and writes crappy romance novels for middle aged women to make up for his lack of a love life
• Ignis never knows what he’s saying, Gladio’s entire existence is beer and that one math calculation meme, Ravus continues to make moves on Ignis, Cor is having a great time and actually laughing and smiling, Noctis has already passed out, Prompto is crying, and Luna tries to comfort Prompto
• Despite the chips, candy, pizza, soda, and alcohol, they all pass out around 5 in the morning (even tho Noct already is passed out)
• Ravus drunkenly tucks Luna into bed (in Prompto’s bed btw) and falls asleep on the floor outside the same room (he would later claim it was to make sure no one got in)
• Prompto crashes under the table while holding onto a pillow that smells like beer and regret
• Gladio and Cor have a fight over the couch at one point. When they wake up, neither one of them know what happened, but Cor has a busted lip on the couch while Gladio wakes up in the bathtub with a black eye
• Ignis had fallen asleep in an armchair, but oddly enough his glasses are found in the fridge and he only has one shoe on
• Noctis is still sitting in his seat at the table, face resting on the gameboard and arms cushioning his head
• Iris, being the little devil she is, wakes them up at 8 AM on the dot by loudly banging on the front door
• She knows they were up drinking late and she knows they’re pissed about waking up so early with hangovers, but she also knows they fucking deserve it for leaving her out (although she does apologize to Luna and Noctis)