McSombra #18 (McCree as the victim 😮)

itshigh-boop:

McSombra – (#18) Waking up with amnesia AU (anon…why do you do this?)

Sombra has never begged for anything in her life – so when she begged McCree not to go on that mission, she meant it. Of course, she had no real control over what he chose to do. So in the end, he went with teammates on that mission against a budding terrorist threat. 

She knew she had a bad feeling about it all and when she finally discovers that the mission is over and that McCree is in critical condition, she’s both terrified and livid. 

It wouldn’t take her long to override the watchpoint’s security system and watch McCree through surveillance, but she’s too scared to – she doesn’t want to see the condition McCree is in. It would break her heart to see what those bastards did to Jesse.

She lets some weeks pass before she reads the doctor’s notes and sees that he’s finally in more stable condition. But there’s a note that alarms her – amnesia. Retrograde. Patient cannot recall any events that occurred past the year 2068

Her heart sinks when she processes this information. Does this mean…she no longer exists in his mind? All those memories are gone? It takes her even longer to bring herself out of the painful state this realization has brought her. It nearly breaks her to do so but she decides she has to see McCree. Even if he doesn’t remember her, she has to see him one more time…the last time.

Without Talon’s constant vigilance, Sombra’s able to reach Gibraltar, easily making her way inside and toward the medical ward where she knows McCree has been recovering. 

When she slips into the room undetected, she finds McCree sleeping. Or at least, she thinks he is.

“Now I can’t see ya,” he starts, eyes still closed. “But I know you’re there.”

It isn’t much, but even now, he’s still able to detect her and she can’t help but smile at the thought.

She knows the doctor’s been working with him, therapy of sorts; it’s all in his medical record. He’s been able to remember a few things but it’s mostly just acceptance. Her heart goes out to him but she knows it means nothing.

When she drops the stealth-cloak, he sits up, eyeing her suspiciously. His hand moves to hover over the button that will call for the doctor.

“Explain yourself, stranger, before you find yourself in a messy situation.” 

She stares at him, pressed against the door, hands behind her back. It matters not that he could call for his friends at any time. Sombra just wants to stare at him. Because she’s so used to him eventually coming home – smiling at her. It nearly causes her to tear up again but she catches herself. 

“I won’t hurt you,” is the lame excuse that comes out of her mouth. 

He looks unimpressed but almost amused with a small quirk of his eyebrow. “What makes you think you can hurt me?” he asks.

Shaking her head, she remains her spot. She won’t approach until he invites her. “I can kill you. But I won’t. I don’t want. Soy una amiga.” 

“Yer no friend of mine. I think I’d remember being friends with someone like you.”

The words hurt immensely – but the implication – the realization of just how far gone he is hurts her the most. She treasured his love, yes, but his friendship was even more precious to her. And now, they were both gone. 

“You can’t remember much of anything though, can you?”

Her reply leaves her mouth faster than her mind can process – a way to defend herself, really, in the only way she can. She realizes her mistake when he snarls and gets up from the bed, already making his way toward her. Anger touches at his shoulders; it’s in his heavy footsteps and the intensity of the glare he’s focusing on her. She lets him grab her by the collar of her coat and stares at him, trying to search his umber eyes for any sign that her pistolero is still here. 

He’s not.

“Just what do you know about me?” he demands, fingers still tightly clasped in the leather of her overjacket. 

“Everything.” She lets him hold on. “I told you, soy una amiga.” Then she looks down, away from those angry, distant eyes. “Pues…fui una amiga.” It takes her a bit but she swallows her pride and sighs. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Silence passes between them until he lets her go, dropping her to her feet and huffs, moving away toward the window. “What’s it matter?” he asks, mostly to himself. “You’re right, anyway. I can’t remember anything other than being angry at my commander, then suddenly, I’m a thirty-nine year old man, my bones are achin’, and my boss’s been dead for years. Friends are still here but it’s like I don’t know ‘em anymore.” She can see his reflection in the glass of the window and the anger that touched at his face has been replaced with exhaustion. “The world’s changed so much…and I ain’t seen none of it.” 

She says nothing for a while before she dares to approach, stopping only a few feet away from his spot. “You’ve seen it all,” she tells him. “But maybe it’s best you don’t remember. Not much has changed.” She can attest to that personally. “Things haven’t gotten much better. The world still sucks.” The only good thing that happened to her was…

An exhale through his nostrils lets her know he’s laughing. “I know that. I’ve always known that.” His eyes still wander, as if searching for something beyond the horizon, over the dark sea water. “I was just hopin’…maybe after all this time, I would’ve found something worth fightin’ for. Somethin’ that honestly made me happy, just once.” 

Sombra feels her heart jump at his confession, and she can’t help but wonder if he meant her. He was certainly her happiness, and Jesse often told her that she was his. Either way, it meant nothing now. 

“Why are you telling me this?” she questions, unable to contain her curiosity, despite her already broken soul begging her to stop with the questions. The more she hears, the more she hurts.

He shrugs. “Hell, I dunno. Reckon no one else here understands what the hell I’m talkin’ ‘bout. And besides,” he says, and he stares at her reflection. “You said yer a friend of mine, didn’t you?” When she nods, he continues. “It ain’t so strange, then…sayin’ all this to a friend. Shoot, I must be important to ya.” 

“What makes you say that?” Sombra asks, genuinely curious as to how he came to that conclusion, even with amnesia.

“Well, darlin’, yer here in the middle o’ the night, somehow gettin’ past my locked door and everyone else and ya say ya could kill me…but ya didn’t. All ya came here ta do was see me, right?” 

She doesn’t give him a straight answer, instead moving to stand next to McCree and looks out at the sea, finding comfort in the way the waves roll over one another in an endless pattern. “You meant a great deal to me.”

“’Meant’?” He almost sounds offended. 

To which she regards him, no humor in her eyes or on her lips. “You said it yourself. For both of us, everything’s different, everything’s changed.” She tries hard not to choke over her next thought. “But for me, nothing will ever be the same again.” 

“How do I know you?” McCree asks after another pause slips between them. He sounds hopeful but tired, and that’s exactly how Sombra feels going through this conversation with him. Her heart is hopeful but everything else is tired – it’s like the entirety of her being knows that the result of this encounter will not be what she so desperately wishes. 

“Through circumstance,” she says honestly. “A common enemy made us temporary partners. And maybe drunken nights and going through hell on earth made us friends. It turns out you’re persistent, almost as much as I am.” She snorts, her first touch of hilarity ever since she’s heard the news of his amnesia. “I’ve never met anyone as amazingly stubborn as you,” she says, remembering the day he vowed he’d help her leave Talon’s influence, as always, biting off more than he could chew. But the crazy gringo did it. That was one of the many reasons she loved him. “I’d never met anyone like you, McCree.”

He stares at her before rubbing the back of his neck and clearing his throat. “Sorry…about bein’ rough with ya earlier. I ain’t normally like that. I just ain’t been sleepin’ too good lately. Lots o’ things on my mind…or like ya said, tryin’ to remember those things.” 

With a weak lift of her shoulders, Sombra waves the apology off. “No me molesta.” Lies. “I’m used to hostility. Nada nuevo.” Like from his friends. From everyone, really.

McCree seems to allow himself a smile. “Guess I was just angry. Of all the things in the world to forget, I can’t forgive myself for forgettin’ someone as pretty as you.” 

Damn this man and his ability to pull her heart strings with that stupid smile and those eyes of his. She was a fool to fall in love. It hurts too much to be left behind. She laughs, despite herself, and this time, the hot, burning sensation pinches the corner of her eyes. 

“Siempre has sido un adulador.” 

“Why?” 

When he asks, she looks up, forgetting the tears that are now visible in her eyes. 

“Why can I say all this to you? Why do I feel like I can tell ya anything?” His fist clenches. “Why do I feel like if I ever made some stupid decision, I’d find you there, ready to back me up?” 

Ironically, she didn’t support his last choice. And it’s the one that led to this very situation. 

“I’ve met people – good people – who claim they know me and that we’re friends but I don’t feel like this with ‘em.” He shakes his head before facing her, stepping closer. His eyes seem to beg her for an answer. “What am I to you?”

And she wonders if she’ll ever forgive herself for not being able to give him the answer he needs. But she can’t lie. Even if he needs a lie, she can’t be anything but selfish.

“You’re everything to me, Jesse.” 

Shadows rely on light to exist – the more powerful the light, the more prominent the shadow. He was her sun, helping her cast the largest shadow she’s ever run in. He is a sun – as such, many others rely on him to exist. She knows this. She has other light sources – she will never truly disappear. But she will forever crave the days she had the sun shining its light upon her. Nothing will ever compare. Knowing these truths is painful but the sooner she accepts it, the sooner she can move on.

He has his friends again – he has Overwatch. Who is she to take that away from him? She can’t. She won’t. Not for some romance that’s best left in the past. Even if it kills her. Because even though he’s her everything, he’s something to a lot more people.  He deserves better than being some criminal’s hero.

The implication behind her words registers in his expression and Sombra smiles, a wet smile. She almost wishes he didn’t let her touch him, as she reaches her hand to gently touch his cheek, relishing the way his stubbly cheek so perfectly rests against her palm. She allows herself to cry in front of him just this once. She can punish herself for it later. What she’ll feel then is nothing compared to the ache in her chest now.

“Please.”

He’s already begging her when she steps away, walking around to the button next to his bed to call the doctor. He looks to her, confused. He jumps, trying to reach her hand when she hovers her hand just over the button, the weight of his hand clasped around hers accidentally pressing it and calling Ziegler. 

The anger and turmoil over her action is evident on his face. ‘Why’ is the question that goes unasked. 

“Please,” he says again. “A name.”

She shakes her head. “You’ll be happy here, Jesse.” The doctor will come soon. “You’ll be safe.” 

“How can I find you again?” She can’t believe how selfish she’s been. She’s given him false hope. “Please, I need to know.” 

“Don’t go chasing shadows, Jesse,” she answers. “I know it’s something you love but it’s better this way.” The click of the doctor’s heels echo just outside the room. “Pero entre la sombra, siempre tendrás un amiga.” 

The doctor arrives and she feels guilty for leaving her with an even bigger problem than before. Her comrade and old friend sitting on the bed, crouched over and clutching his head, seemingly inconsolable. She may never forgive herself. 

Months go by and things are quiet. She fills the void by being relentless with her research. Without Talon’s resources, results are slower but she can manage. She was someone before Talon and she’ll be even greater without them. 

But she can’t help her curious nature. It’s been weeks, she tries to tell herself. She’s been doing so well – how can she break the streak now by giving in and checking in on him? In the end, her traitorous feelings win and she’s accessing Ziegler’s case notes for Jesse. 

Sombra’s heart skips a beat. 

Patient has consistently been asking around base of the significance of a shadow.

With a laugh, she rubs at her eyes. “Ay, Jesse.” She smiles at the screen of notes. “Siempre has sido pero bien terco.”