koshi-poffington:

Ana: After calculating and pulling of the greatest sleep
dart of all time. You can do nothing but watch as your teammates wake up the
ulting genji and die as a result. Nobody stays in your line of sight. Please
stay in the line of sight. Stop jumping me. Please protect me. God dammit.

Bastion: You desperate desperate desperate fool. You have no
skill. You think you can carry the team, and depending on how much ass your
opponents suck. You can. Fuck you.

Brigitte: You either stick with the team and constantly
disrupt enemies and make their life hell, or you’re a fucking dps main thinking
you’re playing a dps and rush off by yourself.

D.VA: You’re a bully. You like jumping poor defenseless
squishies, and when they escape you will throw your ult at them. Who cares if
you lose. You have to send a message.

Doomfist: You’re annoying at best. Play something else you
loser.

Genji: You are a Genji Main. You’ve watched all the Avocado
videos so you know what you’re doing. Don’t ever switch. Show them you can 1v6.
You will eventually 1v6 them. Don’t worry about it. You’re the best. Always go
defense genji.

Hanzo: Stop playing Hanzo yOU FOOLS. SCATTER IS NOT
BALANCED.

Junkrat: Fuck off. You don’t need to worry about nerfs
because Junkrat is Jeff’s waifu. You piece of shit.

Lucio: Boops are the only thing that matter. Healing is
second. Don’t worry about it.

Mccree: It doesn’t matter if you can’t hit the broad side of
Roadhog’s ass. Just Fan the Hammer! Only Fan the Hammer! It’s the only thing
you’re good at.

Mei: You enjoy watching people die right before your very
eyes. You probably enjoy kicking puppies.

Mercy: You will never get off Jeff Kaplan’s Wild Ride…your
life is hell.

Moira: You’re a DPS Hero. Healing is secondary. Don’t worry
about it.

Orisa: God you’re so boring. You’re just boring but you have
to play her cause she’s useful. Cute robot though.

Pharah: You can’t aim but that’s okay! That Mercy pocketing
you will ensure that you never die, it’s not like you can rely on a Hanzo,
Soldier, or Widowmaker to actually hit you.

Reaper: You like to get into people’s faces and shoot them.
That’s the only strategy and you will do it over and over again until it works.
3EDGEY5ME

Reinhardt: The supreme one. You’re unstoppable. Just charge
into the enemy. The role of a tank is to protect the team, and the enemy can’t
hurt the team if they’re fucking dead. It’s not like you can rely on the DPS to
actually kill things anyways. Be sure to thank your healers…on a side note pick
up a pocket ana.

Roadhog: The only capability you have of tanking is your
vaping abilities and your Victoria secret model body. Just hang around like a
fat dude and hook people, and hope you have good teammates. Don’t count on it.

Soldier 76: Stop firing at the tanks, shoot at the Pharah.
Stop. No what are you doing. Stop it. STOP IT. SHARE YOUR BEER JUICE.

Sombra: stop hacking me and piss off. Nobody else is there
with you…why did you ult?

Symmetra: Fuck you.

Torjbjorn: Torb is a support, tank, defense, and dps hero.
You can never go wrong with this unstoppable hero. Every torb you meet is a Top
500 torb and must be treated with respect. On a side note please go away.

Tracer: Leave me alone. Even Mercy can solo you.

Widowmaker: You’re more interested in sniping than actually
winning the game. Yes. Please. Just stand there and watch as the payload
reaches its destination. Go ahead. Take your time.

Winston: You’re not a monkey. You’re a scientist. You think
you’re some kind of unstoppable god AND you try to jump at Tanks to kill them.
You’re an idiot.

Zarya: you’re only useful for your ult.

Zenyatta: Yes. Please. Use that tranquility to save
yourself. Also be sure to call out who you discord even though everyone will
ignore you, but it’s okay. You can fuck over the most carefully put together
god combo ults with a simple press of the button, unless if there’s a grandma
on the other team.