The Signs as Boyfriends:

normal-horoscopes:

Aries: Generally high maintenance. Needs lots of energy and attention. No bones. Supported by sacs of helium. Explosive when ignited.

Taurus: Quiet and clingy. Just wants to be by your side. Pays for things without asking. Extremely high resistance to radiation. Glows blue in the dark due to intense cobalt saturation. 

Gemini: Moody and impulsive. Lots of adventures! Long phone calls. Makes you laugh. Bone structure fluctuates with the phases of the moon. 

Cancer: Buys you coffee every morning. Protects you from the world. Buried out by the train tracks.

Leo: Playful, but a bit of a brat. Accepts dominance but only after a bit of teasing. Concerned about your safety. Old radio circuitry implanted in their skull. Spends their spare time frantically writing down incomprehensible transmissions. Embarrassed by this. 

Virgo: Empathetic and touchy. Always wants to hold your hand. Big sweaters and rainy days. Largest predatory mammal in north america. 

Libra: Talkative, funny and sassy. Saves up to take you on weird dates to interesting places. A bit to competitive for their own good. Old jackets and beanies to cover the colony of mycellium that runs along their skin. 

Scorpio: Clumsy and caring in the most endearing way. Modest but heartfelt gifts that really mean something to you. Fiercely protective. Black market weapons dealer. Holds you. Enjoys being held in turn. 

Ophiuchus: Mysterious past. Covered in unnatural burns. Odd inhuman eyes constantly scanning the horizon. Hates the sound of beating wings. 

Sagittarius: Really fuckin cool. Popular but treats it like its nothing. Secretly likes the attention. Eyes only for you. Busy, but somehow takes time out of their schedule for you. No eyelids. Barbed, prehensile tongue.

Capricorn: Solitary and thoughtful. Loves deeply but never the best at showing it. Enjoys just spending time with you in silence. An introvert to the end. Poor eyesight, tracks your movement with an electrosensory organ. 

Aquarius: Voracious learner. Texts first. Makes plans without exactly telling you every time. Bit of a hassle but always a fun time. Requires a new host every six months or so.

Pisces: Artistic and a bit of a weirdo in the best kind of way. Dangerously lovable. A bit clueless. Extremely affectionate. Likes it when you’re rough with him. Cannot leave the ancestral territories for more than a few days at a time.