What It Means To Be Alive

whitewolfie666:

 Part 4 

(Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)

Pairing: Connor x Reader

Summary: Connor teaches the reader what it means to be an android, whilst they teach him what it means to be human.

Words:1,346

(A/N: I’m trying to keep this gender neutral, so please let me know if I’ve slipped up anywhere!)

___

Connor looked at Hank,
confusion deep set into his face. Your words and your actions had not matched
up at all, and although Conner was no stranger to lying, he couldn’t fathom why
you would feel the need to lie to him or the lieutenant. Certainly not where
injury was concerned

“Lieutenant, something was
amiss with (Y/N)”

“No shit, use your detective
skills to work that out?” Hank looked back, before rubbing his hand over his
eyes. “Jesus Christ. I wonder what that was about?”

“I don’t know” came Connors
reply, his LED starting to return to a flashing blue, “Perhaps they were in
shock? I detected a spike in heart rate, and I’ve noticed humans can react
unpredictably to pain”. He was trying not to remember the way you had pulled away
from him, as if afraid he would hurt you further. Trying to ignore the strange
sensation that that had left him with. “Still they left in such a hurry, they
forgot to take their equipment with them” he said, nodding towards your
forgotten bag of forensic tools, including your camera. “Perhaps we should try
and catch them to return them”.

Hank gave Connor a long look,
before narrowing his eyes. “I’ll do it” he said at last. “Judging by the way
they pulled away from you, I’d say they’re not too fond of your company right
now”. He hadn’t meant it harshly, but Connor just nodded sadly, trying to
understand why you had reacted the
way you had, but understanding completely the lieutenants logic.

Once the Lieutenant had left,
he stood for a moment simply staring at the roof door, trying to sort through
the thoughts that were working through his processor. His mission, he had to focus on his mission. He looked back towards
the deviant, partially hidden behind the vent you had been kneeling behind. He
moved towards it, to examine it for any clues about the location of the other
deviants, when something stopped him. He looked at the floor where you had been
hiding and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He moved closer and bent down,
kneeling besides a tiny drop of blue that glistened on the fresh white snow.
Instinctively he touched it and brought it to his mouth for analysis. A small
box appeared in front of his vision.

Blue Blood

Model: Unknown.

Serial Number: Unknown

He looked back to the door
through which you made your hasty exit, and suddenly the pieces fell into
place.

 –

You used the elevator ride to
compose yourself. Taking deep breaths and pushing down all the questions that
were swirling around in endless circles in your brain. Or was that processor?
You shook your head in an attempt to dislodge that thought. In an effort to
force all your thoughts away, you started focusing on your favourite song,
humming along quietly.

By the time the elevator doors
had opened at the bottom of the tower, you had managed to build up a false
sense of calm. You let your face fall blank as you moved quickly through the
reception area towards the glass doors of the entrance. Your hand was clasped
tighter than ever over the bullet wound that had caused all this.

Thankfully no-one tried to
stop you and you made it out into the chilly street without interruption. You
went straight to your car and stopped. You would need a hand to unlock it.
Swallowing the fear that was once again building, you looked around to be sure
no-one was watching, and very quickly let go of your arm to reach into your
trouser pocket, pulling out your car keys. You fumbled a little in your rush,
but managed to unlock the car, open the driver’s door and slide in, slamming
the door shut behind you, thankful for the blacked out windows. Your hand shook
as you tried to slide the keys into the ignition and eventually you gave up and
threw them to the passenger side floor in frustration.

You couldn’t hold it in
anymore. You lent onto the steering wheel as painful sobs wracked your body. What was happening?  You couldn’t be an android, you just couldn’t. You would have known.
Wouldn’t you?

You must have bled before
right? You were sure you had memories of skimming your knees as a child, of red
blood oozing from the grazes.

A child.
You had been a child, you had to have been, and androids didn’t age. But
suddenly you realised that you’d never really thought in detail about your
past, and as you tried now your mind seemed foggy, like there was something
there but it didn’t quite fit. Images
that were just a little too perfect.
Were your memories fake? Just part of a program to make you think you were
alive?

That was ridiculous. Why on
earth would anyone go to that much trouble? It wouldn’t have been easy at all
to make an android think they were human. And it wouldn’t serve a function, and
that was the point of androids, wasn’t it, they had a purpose.

That was it then. You were
going crazy. Maybe the stress of the situation in the kitchen had driven you to
the edge. You almost laughed out loud as you sat up, your tears slowing and
giving you a chance to breath. It was just temporary insanity, you were clearly
just hallucinating.

The sound of the passenger
side door opening caused you to jump and let out a little squeak of surprise.
Hank was climbing into the car, not bothering to ask you if he could. You just
stared, caught completely off guard.

“You forgot this” He threw your bag onto the
back seat, not un-gently, and turned to face you fully.

“Now what the hell was all
that about?” his own eyes softened as he saw that you’d been crying. You
thought about bringing your hand back to your arm, of telling him you were
fine, just a little shaken and that he should leave you alone. But something
stopped you.

If you really were going
crazy, he would be able to tell you. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you
turned to face him, holding your hand palm side up, to show him the thirium
stained there and letting him see the bullet wound, circled in blue, on your
arm.

“Please tell me I’m going crazy” you whispered, voice catching half
way though. He stared at you for a moment as if processing what he was seeing. Then
suddenly –

“You’re a fucking Android?!”
There was shock in his voice, of course there was, and confusion, but also
something you couldn’t quite place. “How is that even possible? How could you
not tell me!” Betrayal. That was it.
He sounded betrayed. But at least now there were no doubts. The blue blood was
real.

You shook your head,
helplessly, tears building again and threatening to pull you back down into
uncontrollable sobbing. “I don’t know… I didn’t even…” You couldn’t even think
of what to say to him, had you been capable of forcing a full sentence out through
the tightness in your throat. Swallowing again, you managed to force yourself
to look him in the eye,

“I thought I was human Hank”.  A broken whisper. That was it. You lost your
calm again, everything you’d been feeling, everything you’d been thinking, came
rushing out in a painful flood of tears. Hank didn’t say anything. He was
having trouble understanding what you had just said. The same questions you had
asked yourself now filling his own mind. How was this possible?

One thing he did know, was
that you were hurting, and confused, and sad. And that was something he could help you with. Ignoring
everything else, he leant across the gear shift and pulled you into a tight
hug, letting you rest your head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around your
shaking shoulders. “I don’t know what the hell is going on, but we’re gonna
figure this out, (Y/N). I promise”.

_____

Tags: (i am so sorry if i’ve missed someone!) @wishuponawriter @black-and-white-eyes @magnitude101999 @violetdream13 @simplysaying @no-more-pop-references-parker @lifes-not-fair-anyway @shadows-echoes @sherlockspie @therealwatermelon @itsjustahuman @sweetcoffeeblandtea @child-of-awesome647